Could the Aussie really transfer his all-action, goal-scoring exploits at unfashionable Millwall to the Premier League? The answer is clear: Between his debut for Millwall playing in Division 2 and leaving them in Division 1 in the summer of 2004, Cahill scored fifty-two league goals in 217 appearances. His Premier League record at Everton, despite his recent barren spell, is virtually identical, fifty-five in 213 appearances.

Jelavic must know that if he proves himself weight of goals will make selection by national manager Slaven Bilic for Euro2012 a formality and you can be sure that the dressing room banter at Finch Farm, with its large contingent of Irish players, will focus his mind on one date, one place – Sunday 10 June, Poznan, Poland – where Croatia play the Republic of Ireland in their first game of the tournament.

Two strikers who were much more costly than Jelavic failed at Everton, at least in part, because David Moyes demanded they be something they were not. He wanted Yakubu and James Beattie to play as lone strikers, able to hold and recirculate possession, a role that carries a huge workload – the role that Kevin Doyle relishes and, had he moved to Everton, would undoubtedly have filled and which the sturdy Denis Stracqualursi was seemingly born to fill. We suspect Nikica Jelavic is not that player. Deceptively quick, good in the air, two-footed but favouring his right, an exponent of the over-head kick, we think our Croatian hitman will be at his best as part of a two-pronged attack, or with plenty of support. Just so long as David Moyes doesn’t ask his new pedigree thoroughbred to pull a brewer’s dray.

I love reading pretty much everything Barney Ronay writes, but yesterday he had a Royston Drenthe moment. That’s why he’s the latest entrant to Pseuds Corner Flag.

January 31, 2012: “Transfer deadline day: Oh what a circus”

Barney Ronay – The Guardian

This is knockabout stuff really, a peculiarly entertaining lacuna in football’s continuing mutation beneath the irradiating forces of money and television.

Read more entries to Pseuds Corner Flag

EVERTON 1 (Gibson 59) – MANCHESTER CITY 0

Suddenly and quite unexpectedly Everton have found their mojo. It arrived yesterday along with a pile of late Christmas presents which included the signing of a promising centre-forward from Glasgow Rangers and the return of a prodigal son from exile at White Hart Lane. Something had been missing this season. From the very first game back in August, a dispiriting, lacklustre 1-0 defeat to QPR at Goodison, the tempo had been dull, the football lacking in passion and fight. The spark which fanned the rejuvenation was probably struck last Friday evening when Everton defeated Fulham 2-1 in the FA Cup and a hard-working unknown Argentinian scored his first goal, took on a huge transfusion of confidence and showed that the ‘dogs of war’ spirit is still relevant in this Premier League of silky skills and pampered egos.

He is built like a bull and is strong in the air. His style perhaps a throwback to how centre-forwards must have played before the War when pitches were muddy and cloying and the ball heavy; but more than anything he gives his all for the team. The physical effort of marking him saw off one bruised and drained centre-half in Joleon Lescott, who had to be substituted after 68 minutes to protect him from any more punishment, and the example which he set rubbed off on the whole team – they bulged with self-belief by the time the final whistle went. Remember the name Denis Stracqualursi because he has fired Everton’s season into life.

If Stracqualursi is the bludgeon perhaps new signing Nikica Jelavic will be more of a rapier. A friend of mine who has been a season-ticket holder at Ibrox for twenty-five years describes the Croatian as having deceptive pace, being good in the air and a decent goal scorer. Another ex-Rangers centre-forward who never had pace, deceptive or not, and who could not be described as prolific became an iconic figure in these parts. We look forward to seeing how these two strikers, from very different footballing cultures and with different attributes develop under the intense spotlight of the Premier League

Judging by the comments on various websites, fans forums and Twitter poor Darron Gibson was written-off before he even kicked a ball. One tweet from @PaulDaly21 described him, with truly gifted use of the language of Shakespeare, as being “unadulterated shite”. Similarly when the team selection was announced last night the protests from the football ‘experts’ on Twitter at the inclusion of Tony Hibbert at the expense of Shane Duffy were stunning in their negativity. It is doubtful whether David Moyes even knows what Twitter is but his capture of the former Manchester United midfielder, for a tiny fee, is already paying dividends and his decision to plump for the experience of Tony Hibbert in the face of the particular challenges posed by diminutive forwards like Nasri, Silva and Aguero was spot on. Yesterday was a good day for Mr Moyes and Everton Football Club.

EVERTON (4-2-3-1): Howard; Hibbert, Neville(C), Heitinga, Baines; Fellaini, Gibson; Donovan, Cahill, Drenthe (Baxter 78); Stracqualursi (Vellios 88).

Subs not used: Mucha, Gueye, Barkley, Forshaw, Duffy.

Bookings: Drenthe

MANCHESTER CITY (4-3-1-2): Hart; Richards, Kompany(C), Lescott (Kolarov 68) Clichy; Barry (DeJong 86) Nasri, Milner (Johnson 61); Silva; Aguero, Dzeko.

Subs not used: Pantilimon, Zabaleta, Savic, Razak.

Bookings: Kompany, Lescott

Referee: Peter Walton

Gate: 29,856

Everton came from behind to keep their interest in the FA Cup alive thanks to headed goals from Denis Stracqualursi and Marouane Fellaini, both created by the exquisite feet of Landon Donovan.

The Fox Soccer channel transmitted this game live across the United States billed as Donovan vs Dempsey, a title reminiscent of a heavyweight showdown from Madison Square Garden. It turned out to be a one-sided bout with Donovan the clear winner after he delivered two knockout punches. On twenty-seven minutes he cut inside and sent over an accurate  left-footed cross which Stracqualursi superbly glanced out of Stockdale’s reach into the far corner to equalize. Earlier Danny Murphy had scored from the penalty spot after Howard Webb harshly adjudged that Johnny Heitinga had handled the ball after a mishit shot from Damien Duff hit the sliding defender on the arm. A decision which neatly balanced the unjustified penalty which Webb awarded to Everton earlier in the season when Leon Osman tripped over his own feet at the Stadium of Light. Donovan then made the winner on seventy-three minutes when Fellaini leapt majestically to meet his pinpoint cross and send the ball looping over Stockdale.

David Moyes had clearly decided things needed shaking up after the poor displays of recent weeks and his selection of big Argentinian striker Denis Stracqualursi ahead of Saha, Anichebe and Vellios was a surprise, as was his decision to play Magaye Gueye rather than Royston Drenthe. However his gamble paid off; Stracqualursi scored his first goal for the club and gave everything for the cause, while Gueye played possibly his best game so far, though the youngster is developing a chronic habit of mishitting close-range chances, he needs to learn to be more composed. Apparently Moyes had contemplated bringing Tony Hibbert in to central defence but he retained faith in Shane Duffy and the youngster did not let him down, indeed he almost scored twice in the first half; glancing a header just wide and then seeing a  shot on the turn headed off the line by Stephen Kelly.  

Stracqualursi was in tears after he scored, on his lucky thirteenth appearance. If only some of the more senior members of the squad showed as much commitment as this boy does. “He has a tremendous work ethic, he will run and run,” said Steve Round after the game. “He has had trouble getting used to the intensity of the Premier League and he doesn’t speak the language yet but the lads love him. He stays behind to do extra training and if any player is paying the price of trying to succeed it is him.” Enough said.

EVERTON (4-4-1-1): Howard; Neville©, Duffy, Heitinga, Baines; Donovan, Gibson, Fellaini, Gueye (Drenthe 68); Cahill; Stracqualursi (Anichebe 83)

Unused subs: Hahnemann, Hibbert, Saha, Vellios, Baxter

BOOKINGS: Heitinga (handball), Gibson and Cahill (both fouls)

FULHAM (4-3-3): Stockdale; Kelly, Hangeland, Hughes, Riise; Baird (Sidwell 83), Murphy (Trotta 87), Duff (Zamora 79); Ruiz, Dempsey, Johnson       

Unused subs: Etheridge, Senderos, Frei, Davies

BOOKINGS: Baird and Sidwell (both fouls)

REFEREE: Howard Webb MBE

GATE: 25,300.

Home wins for Everton this season have been so few that if you blinked you probably missed them. ‘Fortress Goodison’ has become a sad joke, the sometimes dull but never give up, bloody-mindedness, of previous seasons has evaporated leaving the team looking anaemic despite being populated by virtually the same cast of players. Confidence is low but with the talented players Everton have at their disposal it only needs a spark to set things glowing again. The FA Cup represents the only route to anywhere for Everton this season so it would be great to see the team coming out and playing high-tempo attacking football for the whole ninety minutes rather than the funereal offerings of late.

Following Anichebe’s performance last Saturday, when he regressed, yet again, into the brooding, constantly aggrieved player we hoped had finally died following his great goal at Villa Park, we think young Vic will be back on the bench, his place taken by Royston Drenthe, scorer of that superb long-range goal in Everton’s 3-1 win at Craven Cottage in October. Despite his jaded, almost sad, performance against Blackburn we expect Louis Saha, largely because of his good record against Fulham, to once again lead the line. King Louis is drinking deep at the bar in the last chance saloon. Jagielka, Distin, Osman, Rodwell, and Coleman remain side-lined but Ross Barkley came through 60 minutes of an U-18 game last Saturday and may return to a place on the bench. With Tony Hibbert fit again David Moyes is contemplating playing him at centre-half in place of Shane Duffy. Moyes is very protective of his youngsters, but surely the physical challenge posed by free-scoring Clint Dempsey and Bobby Zamora is best dealt with by a player who stands 6ft 3, and not one who is 5ft 9, no-matter how much ‘spin’ we get fed about Hibbert being good in the air.

Fulham will be missing keeper Mark Schwarzer (spine), strikers Orlando Sa (hamstring) and Moussa Dembele (hip), as well as Grygera (knee), but midfielder Steve Sidwell is fit despite coming off against Newcastle last weekend. The last time Fulham won at Goodison was in February 1975 when, in an FA Cup fifth round tie, a team containing Bobby Moore and Alan Mullery won 2-1 with both goals coming from the long-forgotten Viv Busby. I once played against big Viv in a schools-tournament game at Wycombe Wanderers ground as was; we lost and I, at left back, never got a sniff!   

EVERTON (4-2-3-1) possible: Howard; Neville©, Duffy, Heitinga, Baines; Fellaini, Gibson; Donovan, Cahill, Drenthe; Saha

Subs from: Mucha, Hahnemann, Hibbert, Anichebe, Gueye, Vellios, Stracqualursi, McFadden, Barkley, Baxter, Green, McAleny

FULHAM (4-3-3) possible: Stockdale; Baird, Hangeland, Senderos, Riise; Duff, Sidwell, Murphy; Dempsey, Ruiz, Zamora

Subs from: Etheridge, Johnson, Briggs, Frei, Hughes, Gecov, Etuhu, Kasami

Referee: Howard Webb MBE

Kick-off: 20-00, Friday 27 January, Goodison Park

“Desert Island Kicks” is a pale imitation of the legendary “Desert Island Discs”. I’m looking to nab answers from footie fans from all corners of the globe and all walks of life.

You’re stranded on a desert island, what footballing memories would you take with you? I want you to pick a game, shirt, goal, player and piece of turf from a stadium to take with you to a desert island, oh and you’re allowed one luxury too.

Michael is a busy chap, a Multi-Media Journalist for talkSPORT, a Freelance Feature writer for The Football League Paper and Four Four Two Magazine, and a huge Reading fan. You can follow him on Twitter @MikeWade84. Over to you Michael…

GAME:

Strange as it sounds I will take Portsmouth 7-4 Reading. Despite losing this game was pure unadulterated goalscoring mayhem!

SHIRT:

Reading’s away kit from 1996/97 - for some reason just holds nostalgic value and is also a pretty tasty number into the bargain.

GOAL:

Bobby Convey v Millwall for Reading 2005/06. It was the first game I went to that season, and it felt just like any other but after winning 5-0 in the ruthless fashion we did it gave the impression that this Reading side might be capable of producing something above average. As it turns out they went on to win the division with a record points haul!

PLAYER:

I think it would have to be former Reading captain and workaholic Phil Parkinson. The man who fought his way back from training on his own and being told he had no future at the club under Tommy Burns to captain the side. He would be sure to put in the leg work and build us a nice hut, a camp fire, and find some decent grub!

PIECE OF TURF:

I have never been to sentimental as far as turf is concerned, but if you pushed me – something from the corner of The Walkers Stadium where Reading celebrated promotion to the Premier League in 2006…

LUXURY:

This would surely have to be a football? What better way to pass the time on the island?

Click.
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BANG!

Yesterday word spread that Diniyar Bilyaletdinov was leaving Everton and heading back to mother Russia; Spartak Moscow had apparently agreed a fee though to be around £5m. If Moyes can get his hands on that money to strengthen, we could be in for a busy January.

As soon as the news broke, most Evertonians split into one of three groups. First were the rheumy eyed romantics, their lips quivering at the thought of nice boy Bily playing for another team. Then there were those who thought that Moyes had wasted Bily’s talent by playing him out of position on the left (more on them later). Finally there were those that were rejoicing that we had finally shed a dead weight with the touch of a blacksmith.

For me Bily’s biggest strength is his shot. Actually, his only strength is his shot. He is the perfect YouTube player – a player who lends himself to gobsmacking highlight reels but below par performances.

In 59 appearances he has scored 8 goals, not bad for a player who does nothing else but occasionally shoot. His eight goals for Everton in 59 appearances is slightly less than his 31 goals in 150 games for Lokomotiv Moscow, and roughly the same rate as his scoring for the motherland (6gls 45apps). Crucially though, for both Russia and Lokomotiv Moscow he did more than just score. For Everton this is all he does, shuffling around in his glum little world, and occasionally shooting. I’ll miss Bily for his spectacular goals like this one and this one but not much else.

I’m happy to wave goodbye to Bily, with his affable personality, his eastern bloc haircut, his non existent pace, and that sensational cudgel of a left foot.

Click.
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BANG!

Left back in the changing rooms?

David Moyes has been blamed by some for “ruining” Bily by playing him out of position. The argument goes that Moyes has crow-barred Bily into a position that stunted the Russian’s growth, and that if he had played him in a central attacking position we’d have a world beater on our hands. I don’t think this argument holds up under analysis. Here’s a look into where other managers have played him.

2008 European Championships
Manager: Guus Hiddink

• June 10th 2008. Spain 4-1 Russia. Bily plays on the left wing.
• June 14th 2008. Greece 0-1 Russia. Bily plays left midfield.
• June 18th 2008. Russia 2-0 Sweden. Bily plays left midfield.
• June 21st 2008. Netherlands 4-1 Russia. Hiddink brings on Bily in the 69th minute. He plays in central midfield.

I found it hard to find specific positional stats on many of Bily’s games in Russian qualifying matches or Lokomotiv Moscow games, but here are other individual games I found:

• Guus Hiddink. Russia 3-0 Liechtenstein, September 5, 2009 - Bily plays left back
• Guus Hiddink. Russia 1-1 Azerbaijan, October 14, 2009 – Bily plays left back
• Guus Hiddink. Russia 2-1 Slovenia, November 14, 2009 – Bily plays attacking left midfield.
• Guus Hiddink. Slovenia 1-0 Russia, November 18, 2009 - Bily plays in the hole.
• Dick Advocaat. Russia 2-0 Andorra, September 3, 2010 - Bily plays left back.

• Moyes gushing about his new signing Diniyar Bilyaletdinov (via Sky Sports):

“I spoke to Guus Hiddink a few times about Dini and he recommended him to me,” Moyes told the Liverpool Echo.

“He is a very versatile footballer. He can play wide on the left of midfield, but he has also played on the right quite a bit as well.

“Technically he is very good. He has a nice left foot and he has scored a few goals as well.

“Guus told me that even at a push he could play left-back.“

• The best Russian XI of the 2008 season, Bily makes the Reserve XI as “Attacking midfielder left”.
  
• Euro 2008 scouting report from a Canadian website:

“A playmaking midfielder (Diniyar Bilyaletdinov) plays in the centre of midfield, just ahead of a pair of defensive, ball-wining midfielders”

• Bily described as a “left winger” in a blog post prior to Euro 2008.
• Jonathon Wilson writes this in his Euro 2008 preview for the Guardian:“Lokomotiv’s Diniyar Bilyaletdinov will probably be given the more advanced central midfield role, leaving Dmitri Torbinsky and Igor Semshov as options on the bench.” 
• In the comments section of Wilson’s article, he is challenged by a reader who claims that Hiddink will use:“Sychev (right) and Bilyaletdinov (left) as “wingers” – they can well be substituted by Bystrov (right) and Torbinsky (left).”

Hopefully the information above has exposed all this “Bily was out of position chatter” as total anti-Moyes guff. From what I can see Bily was perfectly comfortable in both a central and a left sided position. He played all of Russia’s Euro 2008 campaign – bar one second half substitute appearance – on the left, and countless other games too. Bily just wasn’t the right fit for the aggressively fast Premier League, I think Moyes spared him by playing him wide and that if he had played Bily centrally more often, the Russian would have drowned.

And finally, I found this (perhaps fitting) little tidbit on the Football Ramble message boards: Diniyar Bilyaletdinov is an anagram of Boner invalidity daily. I think those three words sum his Everton career up well.

I’ve lived in the US for seven years now and I have seen football broadcasting progress forward rapidly but also regress shockingly on Fox’s subscripion football channel.

I’ve heard our ‘keeper called Nigel “Marteeen”. I’ve heard their midfielder called Steven “Gerrard” with a hard G. I’ve faithfully tuned in to the Fox Soccer Report only to see Barcelona’s ground called “the Bernebeu”. I’ve watched a pseudo football chat-show presented by Kyle Martino, a man bamboozled by two syllable words on his autocue, and a program so stunningly bad that not even seeing Vinny “Captain of Wales” Jones waltzing on screen in an England shirt could wake me up. I’ve wanted to throw something at my telly as Steven Cohen co-presented Fox Football Fone-In, a man whose views on the Hillsbrough disaster ooze from the screen like a noxious halitosis. I’ve drooled over Temryss Lane. I’ve also been impressed; by people like Bobby McMahon, Nick Webster, and Chris Sullivan, and by MLS – a league dismissed by many in the UK. Yes, it may be inferior to the Premier League, but that doesn’t mean MLS pundits or fans know any less about he sport than us. When Gary Speed died I was moved by Warren Barton’s touching and raw on-screen response. It’s not a constant parade of shite on Fox Soccer Channel, there is good content too.

When people attack Piers Morgan it is because of his unlikable sneering face, his history as a Rupert Murdoch acolyte, and his stint as editor of the Daily Mirror which ended in disgrace. He looks like a guttersnipe, courts controversy, and made it to where he is in journalism by mortgaging and remortgaging his soul and scruples. Add to this his lip curling rôle on America’s Got Talent and the fact he has replaced Larry King on CNN and people have more than enough reasons to hate him. However, I thought his appearance as an in-studio pundit during Sunday’s game was good. Clearly he isn’t clueless, and unlike the Fox Soccer Channel presenters, he is a recognizable face. I read people saying that Morgan’s TV experience doesn’t mesh with football. This is true, but it automatically renders most of the above criticism of him irrelevant. Yes, he was a pushy arse at the Sun and an uppity scrote at the Mirror. And yes, I hated him on America’s Got Talent – but none of these things are relevant to his abilities as a football pundit.

Cast your eyes across the Atlantic. Mark Lawrenson, Gary Lineker, and Alan Shearer serve up steaming tripe consistenly – their mephitic fare is vastly inferior to what Piers Morgan said on Sunday. His view that Wenger should perhaps be replaced as Arsenal manager is one I don’t ascribe to, but he backed it up well saying that no manager should have “a job for life”. Morgan also correctly pinpointed Oxlade-Chamberlain as a bright young star in the Arsenal side. Look at some of the other pundits in England, the dozy Jamie Redknapp, the monotone bleatings of David Pleat, the funeral dirge of Trevor Francis – and your objections over Morgan will recede. He’s a household face, opinionated, eloquent, English, and a Gooner. He was a good choice for Sunday’s match and he’s not Football’s Antichrist.

**Additional Thoughts**

1.Whilst Piers Morgan clearly didn’t discover Oxlade-Chamberlain he can pronounce his name which is one better than many of his peers stateside.
2.Yes Piers Morgan is a fan, but he did just as well as pundit Eric Wynalda who was sitting next to him.
3.Name Recognition: For its first mainstream, non subscription, broadcast why not put someone in the studio who can be recognised by casual/first time football watchers. Throw Warren Barton on instead of Morgan and watch Americans reach for the remote.