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Twitter Bans & Real Bans
by Ed Bottomley

Sunday’s match against Man Utd was a frustrating one.

The Anthony Martial “penalty” was won by the Frenchman through deception. He deceived Jonathan Moss, admittedly a man who makes mistakes like most of us have hot dinners, with a whopper of a dive. Full pants on fire, elongated Pinocchio nose, he tried to get past Idrissa Gueye, couldn’t, and then did a passable impersonation of a skydiver leaping out of a plane. Naturally Moss pointed to the spot.

Social Media’s Paul Pogba then decided to do the most ridiculous stuttering run up, like a glitchy video that won’t load properly, daintily tap dancing at excruciatingly glacial speed towards the penalty spot. It was a run up designed to stand out, to make him look cool, and the poor hapless goalie look like a fool. Not Jordan Pickford though. The penalty was gloriously saved. Pogba, the luckiest of lucky bastards, tapped in the rebound. 

After the game came the unsurprising news that, no, Martial will not be charged with “successful deception of a match referee” case closed, move along now, nothing to see here, good night and good luck. The only player *ever* to be charged with “successful deception of a match referee”? Poor Oumar Niasse. 

All this is very confusing. Presumably Moss is sticking to his guns and saying that he wasn’t deceived – but that just beggars belief. Aside from some flat earther Utd fans, pretty much everyone accepts it was a dive, and definitely one that was designed to hoodwink and gull Mr. Moss. 

Perhaps Moss doesn’t want to charge Anthony Martial with “successful deception of a match referee” because he plays for Man Utd. 
Perhaps there’s one rule for the big teams, and one rule for everyone else.
Perhaps the Premier League don’t like it when people point this out. 

Over on the badlands of Twitter, I posted a video showing the Niasse dive and the Martial dive side by side. The Premier League whispered in Twitter’s ear and got me banned. For how long, who knows (or even cares)… Here’s the video: Oumar vs Martial

Clearly it’s far easier for me to get banned on Twitter for posting a video of Anthony Martial diving, than for Anthony Martial to get banned for actually diving. 

I am the Oumar Niasse of Twitter. 

Write About The REST Of The Match You Idiot

  • They had a lot of chances, and most were snuffed out by Jordan Pickford, a loud leader with elastic limbs not afraid to stand up to swiftly approaching attackers. Man Utd’s second, from Martial, was an absolute peach and not even the most cold hearted kopite could blame Pickford for it. In fact, the Everton goalie was my man of the match. 
  • We also had a lot of chances, and we botched quite a few of them. Bernard, Walcott, and Coleman could all have scored. 
  • Lookman looked great when he came on, and gave us added dynamism in the final few minutes of the game.
  • Andre Gomes looked great too, and I’m not just talking about his smouldering looks, but his constant availability on the pitch and his desire to get things moving and push us up the pitch, either with his cut glass passing or his unique dribbling style. 
  • We’re getting better all the time, and I still look forward to watching Everton again, unlike under the Allardyce reign of terrorball.
  • If you want, give me a follow on my *new* Twitter account, @dixies60

Written by Ed Bottomley

Everton fan exiled in Michigan. Duncan Ferguson obsessive, history buff, optimist. Follow me on Twitter @Dixies60

1 Comment

[…] is giving Chelsea players the benefit of the doubt. It’s the same reason why Jon Moss ignored Anthony Martial’s blatant dive. Because they’re the “big club” and we’re the one’s with the temerity […]

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