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Ross Barkley: Phenomenal Cosmic Powers! Itty Bitty Brain!
by Ed Bottomley

Ross Barkley’s latest mouth fart, “over the years I haven’t really been coached much”, deserves all the criticism we can muster. 

I thought the one good thing, the one ruddy silver lining, about Ross Barkley leaving Everton was that I wouldn’t write about him again.

But here we are, I’m typing this tripe out, and you – you poor gets – are actually reading it.

The problem with Ross is a simple one. Glorious instinctive skills that allow him to embark on his epic voyage across Newcastle’s entire half, leaving gasping Geordies in his wake, and smash home. But no brain, which invariably leads to the kind of shoulder shrugging defensive dereliction that can get us in deep trouble.

Moyes has been criticized in the past for for sending Ross out on loan, for being too conservative with him, but he knew what a good player he was…

Remember when we all ripped on Neil Warnock when Ross was on loan at Leeds and couldn’t get a game? Maybe he was right:

“I had Ross at Leeds, and he’s an unbelievably good pro. He comes in first thing and he takes free kicks until it goes dark, he trains all the time. But as a manager you can’t really find a system you can trust him in.

“It’s a really difficult with him, because he still loves to turn and take players on in his own half and often loses it. He hasn’t got the responsibility in his make-up regarding as and when to do it, he just does it when he feels like it. I don’t think you can change him in that.

“I think he’d be a super player for a club like Spurs. I think he could be a top five player…but for a certain manager. It’ll be a difficult one for the manager who gets him, in how to play him at that level with the responsibility you have to have when you play the top teams. You have to have that discipline in your game and unfortunately Ross doesn’t have that, but he makes up for it by scoring unbelievable goals.

“But I don’t think Koeman has ever been that type of manager who can tolerate somebody who is that ill-disciplined in certain aspects.”

He’s never been coached!? Tell that to Moyes, and Warnock, and Hodgson, and Martinez, and Koeman. Tell that to the coaching staff under all those regimes. Tell that to the miles upon miles of articles, and blogs about how Ross has all the talent in the world but needs to LISTEN. Sarri, by all accounts is a nice bloke, and happiness shrapnel abounds at Chelsea now. But Ross was managed by the ultimate coddler, Roberto Martinez. What’s prompted him to come and attack previous managers now? 

When I think of Ross Barkley, the clip above at Arsenal just loops around in my head. He gets the ball in our own penalty box, and flicks it back to Phil Jagielka- who’s lying on the ground. It was the move of someone with all the tactical nous of a toddler.

He’s a footballing bimbo, a man who speaks like he’s concussed. To borrow from Disney, he’s a blessing and a curse in one: Phenomenal Cosmic Powers! Itty Bitty Brain!

Written by Ed Bottomley

Everton fan exiled in Michigan. Duncan Ferguson obsessive, history buff, optimist. Follow me on Twitter @Dixies60

1 Comment

It really doesn’t matter what he says coz no one in London can understand the gibberish that flows from that articulate mouth (sarcasm) of his

by Tony Probin on Oct 5, 2018 at 8:59 am

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