As featured on News Now

Koeman Out: The Pearl Clutchers React
by Ed Bottomley

Another game, this time against Burnley, and more disappointment ladled onto fans. Despite a good first ten minutes (was it even that?) we rapidly regressed, eventually succumbing to a great passing move from Burnley. Yes, Burnley. 

A pundit noted this week that we’ve built a nice house, but forgot the roof. I’ll add to that, we also have three front doors and no doorbell. What’s even more galling is that last year our blue house was in pretty good working order. Worse still, it’s only after a summer of expensive renovations and tinkering that we’ve ended up in this mess.

According to our dear majority shareholder Farhad Moshiri, via his broadcasting spirit in the sky Jim White, this was our first unexpected defeat. 

Moshiri’s statement was utterly wrongheaded, and there can be no doubt that the PR & Communications team at Everton are at their wit’s end. Instead of a carefully planned (and vetted) statement, Moshiri prefers to release his thoughts to Jim bloody White. Transparency can be good, don’t get me wrong, but with the mood Everton fans are in right now, Moshiri and White’s amateurish screengrab from an iPhone is winding many of us up even more. 

Moshiri’s missive is a dog’s dinner from the off. He opens with, “We are in a bad moment.” Any mention of the word “moment” reminds me of Martinez, don’t remind me of Martinez. Please.

He then calls the Burnley loss our “only unexpected defeat”…. Another big mistake…. Unexpected defeat!? You were OK with us being obliterated by other teams without them breaking sweat? And what of us fans, are we just idiots for watching these “expected” defeats? One Australian blue summed it up perfectly:


Moshiri then moved onto some nonsensical Europa League bashing saying that the extra games in that tournament “haven’t helped” and that we have seven injuries. Is this just a rote regurgitation of Koeman’s excuses to the board for our rotten start? I’m baffled why Farhad Moshiri seems to think that the Europa League is an annoying and damaging distraction to our domestic campaign. This is just the kind of mindless tripe that Arsenal fans have had to put up with for years. Does he think that the sooner we get dumped out of the Europa League, the sooner we can focus on qualifying for the Europa League?!

Moshiri ends by saying that he stands by Koeman, that it’s early days, and that fans deserve better – somehow trying to sit on multiple fences. Next time issue a statement through the club, not through a piss-coloured tie wearing transfermonger.

Nil Statis Nisi Optimum and the Summer of Love

I used to defend David Moyes to the hilt against accusations that he didn’t live up to our motto. I even argued that the NSNO wasn’t realistic with his limited budget. Now though, with expectations dramatically raised, we have a right to hold Ronald Koeman to far higher standards.. This summer was a jabbering avalanche of statement of intent after statement of intent, a summer of puffed out chests and promises. I was giddy with all our signings.  Transfer celibacy was a thing of the past. This was the summer of transfer love. Now we had millions to spend and lots of players willing to dance with us… Somehow though, when we sobered up and the music stopped and the lights came on we had three tenners stuffed down our trousers and not much else. 


And what of that 20 goal a season striker? Why do we suddenly need one? Didn’t Koeman speak about us learning to share the goals throughout our attack. I thought it was our plan to sell our 20 goal a season striker and share the goals among several players… And all this talk of Giroud… He wouldn’t have solved our pace problems, he would have just added to them. A few days ago the Arsenal Twitter account wished the Frenchman a happy 31st birthday (wow – he’s the same age as Wayne?!) and asked what fans would get him for his birthday. A huge swathe of Gooners replied with one word: pace. 


Pearl Clutchers
“You said ‘Koeman Out’ – HOW. COULD. YOU!?!?!”

This week there was a pearl clutching reaction to the fans from many corners, with some saying that it would be madness to fire Koeman after seven games. But that number is wrong. It has been more than seven games – and it was pretty bad at the end of last season too. What is so shocking about wanting Koeman out? About blaming him for his scattershot tactics, his odd signings, and his inability to rouse either the players or fans? 

We’ve started this season horribly, getting trounced my most of the “big” teams we’ve played, and enduring the worst ever start to a Europa League group campaign by an English team. We have no big name striker, an utterly skewiff lineup, and a manager with more ambitions for himself than Everton. We have a high profile director of football in Steve Walsh who, in concert with Koeman, has built a lopsided team bereft of confidence. It isn’t just incoming transfers that have been poorly planned either. At the beginning of the summer people were rubbing their hands together at the thought of how much money we’d get for Lukaku and Barkley. I can answer that question now: we’ll get £75 million for both. A paltry sum in today’s market.  

 This summer we baked a cake with our ambitions. It’s come out of the oven burnt to a crisp.



Written by Ed Bottomley

Everton fan exiled in Michigan. Duncan Ferguson obsessive, history buff, optimist. Follow me on Twitter @Dixies60


in all the games this season, Everton have lacked any clear idea, no leadership and basicly been poor. the team basicly scraped through the early qualifying rounds of the Europo League and were lucky to get through past teams they should brushed aside. In the league games… what can I say? RUBBISH!
not the results and team performances of a team bought for over two hundred million pounds!!
The manager spent so much money but just buy wisely and paid well over the odds. After he knew that the two main scoreers of last season wanted out he should have made replacing them his top priority,

by Phill on Oct 4, 2017 at 9:26 pm

I couldn’t agree more Ed. I see the vote of confidence to mean “if you think you are going to be crap and get a big pay off, think again”. None of them,however, walk away for nothing.Koeman has always been semi-attached seeing us a stepping stone in his career. That was o.k while he was providing a modicum of success. When he isn’t we owe him nothing. Would you trust the Director’s of the Club to bring in a decent replacement? Unless you have an Anceloti or someone of his calibre lined up, reluctantly we are dependent upon Koeman’s self- preservation instincts to at least take us to middle table mediocrity , that at the moment seems to be the most we can hope for. Questions need to be asked about Steve Walsh’s role and continued employment. Who said being born an Evertonian would’ve easy!

by Brian Ronson on Oct 4, 2017 at 10:43 pm

But you have signed a natural striker…… & immediately loaned him back out again! i saw Onyekoru last season on tv & thought he was a cracking player & quite mature too.
We ( Burnley) have the opposite situation to your team, too many target men & trying to manufacture a No 10 out of what we’ve got.
To go back to your house analogy, we have a house on strong foundations, we can see the front door but we struggle to unlock it.
Swap you Vokes for Lookman? Haha
Your situation might not change until your new owner and/or manager have time to work together to produce a long-term plan for the club & most importantly stick to it. If everybody is pulling in the right direction- to a plan, there is more chance of sustainable success….. otherwise, Crystal Palace/Sunderland/Blackburn beckon.

by Rob on Oct 5, 2017 at 2:29 pm

Ed, Koeman is never going to change. Remember when he first came and promptly told Lukaku he would have to leave Everton? I suspected then it might mean he doesn’t really give a shit about anybody except himself. Since then his press conferences have confirmed my worst fears. He’ll NEVER make it in England unless he’s absolutely submerged in money. I think he’d be just like Van Gaal even then. Dutch managers just can’t hack it in England. They’re too cold, too impersonal and too addicted to the tikataka shite of Dutch club football. Put him out of our misery NOW. He hasn’t got what it takes and he’ll never have it. No substance, not enough courage. I reckon he’ll walk if he isn’t sacked first. Either way he’ll walk off with millions, which is probably all he really cares about. He’s had the transfer money, he’s had his chance. And all he’s done is fuck up and make everybody miserable with the shite his teams play. At present I wouldn’t back us to beat Macclesfield.

by Phil Williams on Oct 5, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    Great comment Phil…. You sum him up just as I would.

    by Ed Bottomley on Oct 5, 2017 at 7:41 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Desert Island Kicks

You’re stranded on a desert island, what footballing memories would you take with you?

Read more…

Next Fixtures

PremierLeague: Tuesday 26 Feb (19:45); Cardiff City at Cardiff City Stadium

Sunday 3 March (16:15); Liverpool at Goodison





























Goodison Raw

Focus on the facts not the rhetoric

Read more…