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The Charge of the Sh*te Brigade
by Ed Bottomley

Everton 0-3 Tottenham…

Quarter-hearted, half witted, and totally depressing…

…And it could have been so much more, we were genuinely lucky not to be on the receiving end of a considerably more brutal beating. 

Yes, it’s early in the season. Yes, a lot of our players need to acclimatise. Yes, Spurs are great, and were no doubt overjoyed to be away from roomy Wembley and back at a cozy pitch against the Everton invertebrates. On top of this Sod’s Law was out in force. Kane, freshly released from his August curse, remembered how to score. Twice*. Sissoko, supposedly an abject failure of a signing, was an absolute beast, slapping our midfield into embarrassing submission. 

To get the best out of Everton, you have to turn Goodison into a fortress. On Saturday it was a sieve. 

Selling Lukaku didn’t have to be the end of the world. Koeman’s tactic of replacing Lukaku’s goals with a more communal effort seemed sound. But not buying a striker entirely, and then relegating Calvert-Lewin to the bench, seems like an act of self sabotage. Add to that the two defensive midfielders, three number tens, and half of our back four looking hungover or drunk – or both – and we had a recipe for disaster. Martina looks competent – occasionally good, even – going forward but he isn’t the answer at the back, and the £12 million we paid for Ashley Williams looks like a rip off even in today’s hyper-inflated market – since when was his first touch a flinch?

Koeman seems intent on short term fixes, ignoring youth, and persisting with players who don’t have the legs or stomach for a fight. The thud and blunder of Saturday’s mess of a display against Spurs can’t be repeated. Chances to make amends will come thick and fast with our clogged calendar. Goodison doesn’t suffer fools.

*Including one which was a botched cross – why can’t Cuco Martina botch crosses like that?

Written by Ed Bottomley

Everton fan exiled in Michigan. Duncan Ferguson obsessive, history buff, optimist.
Follow me on Twitter @DixiesSixty

1 Comment

Bang on the money, Ed.

Koeman better show some signs of coherent team work or he’ll be gone before the end of the season. If so, he can take Dutch club football, Frank De Boer, Ruud Gullitt, Louis Van Gaal and Dick Advocaat with him. It’s the most boring shite in European football however good they might be individually and at international level.

I’m willing to give him time but I’m beginning to think he just doesn’t have it in him. You only have to see him in press conferences shrugging his shoulders or staring at the floor as though he couldn’t give a fuck about any of it. Well that’s his choice, but he can do one if he thinks it’s what we fans want.

Saturday’s ‘display’ was scandalous, clueless and without any optimism whatever. Klaassen isn’t going to make it in the English game because he won’t be able to make the adjustment. Ramirez is a headless chicken. Keane apart, the centre backs are an ageing joke. Rooney is obviously well over the hill and out of sight. There isn’t a trace of creativity in midfield and upfront is nonexistent.

So far Koeman is only slightly better than Martinez playing wise. Worse, he looks like he’s just passing through and couldn’t give a shit one way or the other. If there’s no improvement by Christmas I’d get shut of him and try to bring in Eddie Howe.

The signs are all there. Ignoring them won’t make this mess go away.

by Phil Williams on Sep 11, 2017 at 12:35 pm


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