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Lukaku’s “Record” is as Empty as a Hollywood Smile
by Ed Bottomley

Ryan Seacrest is so slick and so smug that fists fly at TV screens across America when he smiles. No hair can be too coiffed. No tooth too white. His surname sounds like a Scientology mega-yacht. He’s the host of American Idol. 


That crappy sentence has stuck in my head for years.

“Idol history.” What “Idol history”?! The show only started in 2002. Why are you talking about history!?

Things without history are desperate for it. Whether it’s American Idol or the Premier League, history is good, history is classy, history shows that you’re in it for the long haul.

And what of those who have history, but not particularly successful ones, teams like Chelsea and Man City? For them, it’s best to embrace the Premier League as the be-all-and end all.

All of this blather about Lukaku being a record breaker for Everton makes me think of Ryan Seacrest. And I don’t like thinking of Ryan Seacrest. On Sunday, Rom broke Big Dunc’s Premier League “record” of sixty goals.

Why is this even a record?

Football didn’t begin in 1992. Are Ian Wright’s 32 goals in the First Division in 1991/2 somehow worth less than Teddy Sheringham’s 22 the following season in the Premier League? Of course they aren’t. 

What’s even more depressing is that Lukaku’s new “record” highlights just how bad we’ve been in the Premier League.

Arsenal’s “record” PL goalscorer? 
Thierry Henry, on 175.

Man United’s?
Wayne Rooney, with 180.

Even Southampton have Matt Le Tissier on 102. Not that I’m criticising Big Rom. I love him, I think he’s our 14th best player in our entire history, it’s just that his goalscoring exploits should be viewed alongside all our illustrious players, not in a weird Premier League only vacuum.

Let’s hope that the fact that Lukaku’s all-time historic amazing Premier League goal getting is only one better than Dixie’s total for one league season sobers up the hype-mongers… 

As always, Twitter was a wretched hive of scum and villainy, with legions of people celebrating this fake record, and some even getting the record wrong. Yes, “Chelsea Hazard,” I’m talking about you…

Written by Ed Bottomley

Everton fan exiled in Michigan. Duncan Ferguson obsessive, history buff, optimist. Follow me on Twitter @DixiesSixty

1 Comment

All true Ed.

But a bit harsh, except for the nobheads on Twatter. I wouldn’t let those tosspots spoil the moment..

by Phil Williams on Mar 6, 2017 at 8:26 pm

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