Ryan Seacrest is so slick and so smug that fists fly at TV screens across America when he smiles. No hair can be too coiffed. No tooth too white. His surname sounds like a Scientology mega-yacht. He’s the host of American Idol.
“YESTERDAY’S SHOW HAD THE HIGHEST RATINGS IN IDOL HISTORY,” smirked Seacrest.
That crappy sentence has stuck in my head for years.
“Idol history.” What “Idol history”?! The show only started in 2002. Why are you talking about history!?
Things without history are desperate for it. Whether it’s American Idol or the Premier League, history is good, history is classy, history shows that you’re in it for the long haul.
And what of those who have history, but not particularly successful ones, teams like Chelsea and Man City? For them, it’s best to embrace the Premier League as the be-all-and end all.
All of this blather about Lukaku being a record breaker for Everton makes me think of Ryan Seacrest. And I don’t like thinking of Ryan Seacrest. On Sunday, Rom broke Big Dunc’s Premier League “record” of sixty goals.
Why is this even a record?
Football didn’t begin in 1992. Are Ian Wright’s 32 goals in the First Division in 1991/2 somehow worth less than Teddy Sheringham’s 22 the following season in the Premier League? Of course they aren’t.
What’s even more depressing is that Lukaku’s new “record” highlights just how bad we’ve been in the Premier League.
Arsenal’s “record” PL goalscorer?
Thierry Henry, on 175.
Wayne Rooney, with 180.
Even Southampton have Matt Le Tissier on 102. Not that I’m criticising Big Rom. I love him, I think he’s our 14th best player in our entire history, it’s just that his goalscoring exploits should be viewed alongside all our illustrious players, not in a weird Premier League only vacuum.
Let’s hope that the fact that Lukaku’s all-time historic amazing Premier League goal getting is only one better than Dixie’s total for one league season sobers up the hype-mongers…
As always, Twitter was a wretched hive of scum and villainy, with legions of people celebrating this fake record, and some even getting the record wrong. Yes, “Chelsea Hazard,” I’m talking about you…
Despite the loss, Lukaku made Everton History at White Hart Lane, and he’s still only 23. https://t.co/HYgJxhJ9Tn
— CaughtOffside (@caughtoffside) March 5, 2017
Romelu Lukaku has now scored 61 goals which is highest ever by any player in club history.??#EFC
— ?Chelsea?Hazard? (@sarosegreenday) March 5, 2017
Romelu Lukaku ???
— Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) March 5, 2017
Premier League: Saturday 15 April (15:00); Burnley at Goodison
Saturday 22 April (15:00); West Ham at London Stadium