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If Matches Were Restaurant Reviews
by Ed Bottomley

Everton 1-1 Man Utd

That this is a legendary establishment should go without saying. In the 60’s it was renowned for style, and in the 80’s it was probably the most successful restaurant in the country. Since then, though, it has dragged along, a monument to mediocrity.

Recently, it has come under new ownership, and you can tell. The outside decor has been improved, with nods to its glorious past, and the hiring of the much lauded Dutchman, Chef Koeman, coupled with some starry eyed reviews a few months back had many speculating that the good old days could be returning. However, it looks like this place is on rocky ground again.

Rumours swirl about a lack of motivation among the cooks, increasingly restless customers, and that Chef Koeman has taken to screaming at them half way through a dinner  service in a desperate attempt to turn things round. Still more rumours say that a lot of the disgruntled staff will soon be replaced.

A note on the ambiance. When the staff aren’t moping around as Koeman screams at them they are flinching from the boos from other customers, very unsettling.

Despite its recent malaise, I tried to come in with an open mind and ordered from what looked like a fantastic array of options. What came wasn’t remotely what I had ordered.

I was treated to a cold sandwich smeared with Stek sauce (the sauce, a recommendation from Chef Koeman, was horrific and made me question his judgment on other matters)

In a desperate attempt to wash the taste of the Stek sauce from my mouth I tried a filthy glass of Rojo (which should probably have been sent back) and then an obnoxious shot of Zlat that I was later told no one likes.

I waited and waited for dessert, and just as I was about to walk out – it came – brought to me my a effervescent Senegalese waiter. He was a delight, an extremely helpful quick and busy lad by the name of Idrissa who seemed to be everywhere, plugging all the gaps in this establishment.

He tells me he’s going on holiday to Africa for about a month in January, I fear that standards in this place are going to slip further without him. 

Written by Ed Bottomley

Everton fan exiled in Michigan. Duncan Ferguson obsessive, history buff, optimist. Follow me on Twitter @DixiesSixty

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