Royston Drenthe is a terrible footballer and so am I.
Our Dutch wide boy has lashings of skill, bags of speed, and can shoot from the most ridiculous angles, unfortunately he doesn’t do what he’s told. I have no skill, minimal speed, and haven’t hit a shot on target this decade, I do however listen to instructions. Both of us are missing crucial ingredients needed to be a successful footballer.
For Royston, it’s worse than just sitting at the back of the dressing room thumbing through Playboy and daydreaming of pneumatic women whilst Moyes begins a tactical discussion. It is pathological. In games this season, players have had to physically force Drenthe to move into position as Moyes screams at him from the bench. He isn’t deaf, he does have a brain, he’s just Royston – a brilliantly skillful but erratic player who is utterly unable to hear his manager’s instructions.
Like the dog Ginger in the Far Side comic above, all Drenthe hears is “blah, blah, blah, Royston”…
When news trickled through yesterday via various outlets including The Guardian that Royston Drenthe has been told to stay away from Everton by David Moyes, none of us can have been too surprised. Rumour and hearsay have followed Drenthe around Merseyside like ravenous paparazzi, but finally some of the facts are leaking out…
When he was given “compassionate leave” by Moyes people started to worry. It has since emerged that Drenthe was late for training in the week before the semi-final, a chronic problem for the Dutchman, and Moyes has now told him to stay away.
I have been a fan of Drenthe during his time here. I fought his corner and said that he was worth it - my thinking was that his on-field flaws were outweighed by his attacking brilliance. I still think that’s the case. But throw in the fact that he is just as mad off the pitch as he is on it, and that changes matters. Moyes was right to let this hair-tearingly frustrating man go. He doesn’t track back. He Kung fu kicks rather than tackles. He doesn’t listen to direct orders from the bench. On the pitch he’s petulant, and off the pitch he’s even worse.
Much is made of Royston’s childhood. He was a skater and a footballer, and he enjoyed tricks in both sports. When he came to a fork in the road, he chose football and gave up skateboarding. But our Royston still has a skaters mentality. He treats managerial instructions like a skater treats obstacles, something to be avoided, something to jump over.
Royston weakened us by trying the patience of David Moyes last week. He let us down. He wasn’t there for the vital Sunderland FA Cup clash, and luckily Gueye played brilliantly. In the semi final, we could have done with Royston coming on in the second half, laying down tongue twisters with his feet and tying up the Reds in knots. Instead he wasn’t there. That was an unforgivable betrayal.
Drenthe has no discipline. To me that makes him no player at all…