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Desert Island Kicks: David Hartrick
by Ed Bottomley

“Desert Island Kicks” is a pale imitation of the legendary “Desert Island Discs” format. I’m looking to nab answers from footie fans from all corners of the globe and all walks of life.

You’re stranded on a desert island, what footballing memories would you take with you? I want you to pick a game, shirt, goal, player and piece of turf from a stadium to take with you to a desert island, oh and you’re allowed one luxury too.

Next up on the Desert Island Kicks conveyor belt is Editor of  In Bed With Maradona – David Hartrick (brilliant surname, brilliant site)…

GAME: We’ll allow you to take the recording of one game of your choice.

If I’m going to be on a desert island all on my own, it’d have to be any game which has featured a female streaker. If that isn’t an option then I guess I’d take Huddersfield Town 1 Brighton & Hove Albion 2 from 2001. As a mouthy Brighton fan living in Huddersfield the joy and mileage Bobby Zamora’s winner gave me will live with me forever. The game was no more than decent but the feeling of being able to see all my mates from the away end and the joy as they stopped answering calls from my mobile as the game went on was what I can only call, ‘lovely stuff’.

SHIRT: Choose wisely, the vomitty old Arsenal away kit might attract wasps.

England’s home shirt from Mexico ’86 with a red number 10 on the back. Not only would the white deflect the heat, Gary Lineker was a huge hero for me growing up (he’s not always been a crisp salesman/Match of the Day anchor kids, he was once a footballer) and the image of him scoring against Poland with his left hand in bandages is one I’ve tried to recreate every time I’ve played since. I would walk around that island tapping in everything my feet came across in homage to Sir Gary.

GOAL: Same as the game basically

Paul Gascoigne. Euro ’96. Against Scotland. Bleached hair. Colin Hendry hits the deck. Dentist’s chair celebration. Wembley bathed in sunshine. For more than a series of incoherent bullet points read here.

PLAYER: We’re not as harsh as DID, you can share the island with a player (and we allow ghosts). Hint: Edmundo could be a good hunter, Yakubu could make a good raft, and Leo Messi would be great at shinning up coconut trees.

George Best just for the stories he’d tell. If you’re trapped on a desert island you want someone with a few tales – Bestie’s life was a non-stop anecdote. He’d keep my spirits high as long as I perfected my patented ‘seawater-moonshine-still’ to keep his spirits high. Seriously though Bestie’s life fascinates me, he’s a hero of mine & to have that talent only to succumb to so many demons & never really regret a thing? What a story.

PIECE OF TURF: eg. “The Euro ’96 penalty spot that Gareth Southgate missed from, so I can practice taking pens…successfully”

I’d want the exact spot where Cameroon’s Benjamin Massing ‘tackled’ Argentina’s Claudio Caniggia from the San Siro pitch during the opening game of Italia ’90. If Bestie began to annoy me it would serve as a warning – ‘wind me up & I’ll Benjamin Massing you when you’re not expecting it’. This island needs discipline if it’s only going to be me in an England shirt & George Best after all.

LUXURY: eg. A Mitre Fluo Flare …OR… Floodlights …OR… A ghillie suit in Everton colours

An unlimited supply of Adidas Tangos – the greatest football of all time. Me & Bestie need something to pass the days & the thought of a bit of head tennis between us fills me with joy. The unlimited supply bit comes in as if Bestie shanks one into the jungle (my control would be better as I won’t be inebriated on moonshine) I’m not going in to fish it out. There could be snakes. Or spiders. Or giant lizard men.

Read More Desert Island Kicks Interviews

Written by Ed Bottomley

Everton fan exiled in Michigan. Duncan Ferguson obsessive, history buff, optimist. Follow me on Twitter @Dixies60

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