Some goons over at the Fur Coat No Knickers lodgings in Manchester gave me some stick about claiming that illegal approaches smoothed over with lashings and lashings of filthy lucre was the Man City ideology. It patently is. The FC No Knickers ideology is that of its owners, to get them noticed and to get on the fast track to success. The Everton ideology is the exact opposite.
With FC No Knickers sniffing around for fresh blood it looks like they may raid Aston Villa or Everton again this summer, and both Milner and Arteta are thought to be targets. I’m a little worried about Man City coming after Arteta, to steal one of the best players in the league makes sense, but to take him off Everton would add the spice of vendetta to it, and we know Garry Cook doesn’t like us. Remember the schmaltzy mantra of delusional romantics “love conquers all”? In Premier League land it is “money conquers all”…. Here are three steps to drumming into Garry Cooke’s skull that “no means no”.
1. Announce to the press that because of Garry Cooke/FC No Knickers and the way they illegally took Joleon Lescott off us that we are permanently closing the lines of communication with them. We will not be bidding on any of their players for the forseeable future, and we not only discourage bids from Man City – we will throw them in the bin without even looking at them. Garryloadsamoneycooke@fcnoknickers.com will be tossed into our junk mail, and their number will be deleted from Bill Kenwrights phone book. In short, any communication from Man City will be forgotten before it is even read.
2. Faced with the fact that Everton have closed all legal modes of communication (a footballing restraining order) what do the scrotes at Middle Eastlands do? They want to steal Arteta off us, but their only way to speak with Arteta is illegally. (I also think that comments to the press about how much the manager likes a player, though not technically wrong, could be construed as illegal after we’ve made statement 1. above). They will obviously try to make contact (illegally) by contacting the player.
3. Bosh, job done. Man City have magically managed to speak to Arteta/Milner and in the process made an illegal approach. The Yanks call this entrapment. I’m all for it, and I think Villa should do the same.