As featured on News Now

The Business End of the Season
by Ed Bottomley

606 Saturday 28th April 2007

Nigel, Merseyside

Because from the Kop End to the Clock End,

Its all about dividends and American friends….

Hello Mr Kroenke, it’s Arsene’s mate David Dein by appointment to Her Majesty the Queen.

Yes that’s right, David your Arsenal friend…

Yes, the season is reaching its business end…

Yes, Stan they’ve guessed what we’re planning to do,

So I resigned from the FA and Arsenal too.

If they want to stand on their own English feet,

They’ll never compete with the financial elite!

HEY DAVID! IF GOONERS DOESN’T JOIN MY SPORTS PORTFOLIO I’LL JUST BUY LONDON SPURS INSTEAD YOU KNOW…

YOU DONT WANT THEM LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK

HECK, EVEN MAN CITY ARE LOOKING FOR A RICH YANK!

BUT IF WE CAN COME TO A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING I’LL PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF MY GLOBAL BRANDING.

SO WHATS GONNA HAPPEN AT THIS SEASON’S BUSINESS END?

CAN I BUY 14% FOR A FAT DIVIDEND?

Yes Stan, all you’ve got to do is raise your stake…

Yes Stan, Mr Hill-Wood’s resistance will break…

No Stan, It’s true we don’t have much to play for

But we’re a top franchise and that’s what you pay for.

SO DAVE, YOU’RE NOT A CHAMPS LEAGUE SEMI-FINALIST?

YOU GOTTA BE THERE IF YOU’RE ON THE RICH LIST

GLAZER-V-BERLUSCONI,

ABRAMOVICH-V-GILLETTE,

YOU JUST HAVEN’T MET THE RIGHT BILLIONAIRE YET!

Oh yes Stan, You’ll really like the way English soccer is headed.

The business-end of the season used to be dreaded when 80% of the games were meaningless but now every point’s worth financial success.

Stan, there are SO many ways to increase the pay-offs

Semi-Finals at Wembley, well why not Premiership playoffs?

And if prices go up we’ll still sell out, relax

Corporates can offset hospitality-v-tax.

OK DAVE, I’LL ADD YOUR GOONER FRANCHISE TO MY PLANS

WITH AVALANCHE, THE NUGGETS, RAPIDS, AND THE RAMS

HEY WE’LL PLAY IN RED WHITE & BLUE IF HER MAJESTY’S SUCH A FAN! GO LONDON GOONERS! TRUST YOUR UNCLE STAN!

OH YES THE BUSINESS-END OF SOCCER THIS SEASON IS HOT!

ITS NOT THE MONEY MEN WHO HAVE SQUEAKY YOU-KNOW-WHAT!

Yes, in every competition this season Arsenal may have lost, but its the fans….I mean the consumers…who should be paying the cost.

GO GOONERS!!

Written by Ed Bottomley

Everton fan exiled in Michigan. Duncan Ferguson obsessive, history buff, optimist. Follow me on Twitter @Dixies60

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